The End of 2013

The End of 2013

     There has been so much going on this year and a lot of it wasn’t good. Grandma was in and out of the hospital this year (same as when I was younger) and ultimately lost her long battle with EVERYTHING in late October of this year. Thanksgiving and Christmas just weren’t the same without her this year. So many things will never be said because of her passing.

     I know that she’s in a better place. Her heaven; however, it doesn’t make it any easier for those of us left behind. We’re all still trying to find our footing without her. Even those of us who argued with her over stupid things; whether you loved her or hated her, you still loved her. You couldn’t help but love her. She was kind and gentle. Loving to a fault.

     January was much the same. Working and sleeping. Grandma in the hospital. February wasn’t much better, Valentines Day was nice. March, April, and May continued the tradition of Grandma’s hospital visits and continued up until August when she didn’t go in at all. September marked the first time (in a long time) that I didn’t get to spend my birthday or anniversary with Grandma or see her at all. She was in the hospital for two weeks that time. From the beginning of September to the middle of the month.

     October was the beginning of the end.

     The last time I saw my Grandmother was at the beginning of the month. She had gone to her bank and taken me with her, and it was the last time I saw her alive. By the time I had arrived in her hospital room, she was gone. It’s the first and last time I will be that close to a newly dead person.

     This year was really hard, as I said. Not only because we lost Grandma, but because we lost everything. Carlos and I lost our home. I lost the home I’d lived in for the last 10 years and four of those were with Carlos. Brandy lost her mother. I became a mother (to Brandy) and Carlos became a father (to Brandy). We’re still trying to a hang of that.

     Unfortunately, we didn’t have the nine months one normally gets when getting a child. We won’t get to witness her first steps or her first words (yes, I know that I did, but Carlos didn’t get to share in that with me or her). We won’t get to witness the first time she uses the potty like a big girl (again, I know I did, but Carlos didn’t). I’m sure there are people that want us to fail at it and we’re not going to.

     We found an apartment, it’s probably not the best neighborhood, but the apartment is great. We love the place. Finding it was an adventure. Moving into it was an adventure; we actually put off moving in as long as we could so that we’d have beds in the apartment and wouldn’t have to sleep on the floor! Not having a TV or computer or living room furniture was one thing, but that floor sucks!

     Oh yes, I nearly forgot! I participated in NANOWRIMO (National Novel Writing Month) and won! I received my T-Shirt and can’t wait to wear it. I will have a list of what I published this year in a separate post. November also saw the end of GZine. I’m hoping that once I get things settled, then I can start again. Maybe something different. Who knows.

     On TV things weren’t much better. Yes, I’m going to include TV shows in my year end blog. SPOILERS BELOW!!

     So, Once Upon a Time got a spin-off and it’s called—for it—Once Upon a Time in Wonderland. It was meant to be on during the summer, but got a full season request. It’s not faring well. While I love the concept of the show, it was too rushed and should have been done as originally planned so they’d have the time to work out the kinks. Time for re-shoots and re-casting if necessary; plus its on Thursdays and that’s never been a good slot (as far as I know at any rate) for shows on ABC (aside from Grey’s Anatomy).

     OUAT went to Neverland and met not only Peter Pan (who is evil), but also Rumplestiltskin/Dark One/Crocodile/Mr. Gold’s Dad! Then at the mid-season finale, Rumple kills his father and himself in the process! But not before his Dad, parading around as Henry, casts the Dark Curse once again. The only way to stop the curse is for Regina/The Evil Queen to give up the thing she loves the most: Henry. She as the Curse spreads through Storybrooke, Emma (arguing as only Emma can) and Henry leave Storybrooke and as the camera pans behind them…Storybrooke is gone.

     Jump to a year later and Emma and Henry are living in New York. Captain Hook returns to The Land without Magic (our world) and kisses Emma. She doesn’t recognize him! Then the screen goes black. Coming in the New Year, we’ll have the Wicked Witch of the West and a trip to Oz. Oh yeah, and the rest of our beloved OUAT gang? They were sent home!

     Carlos and I found a new show that we love, The Blacklist! James Spader is amazing as Red Reddington is fantastic casting. With everything that happened with Grandma, we’re waaay behind, but we’ll see all the episodes. Now would be the perfect time (I believe they’re all online), but Carlos wants to wait and do a marathon after the season is over.

     I also fell in love with Sleepy Hollow! Tom Mison is a wonderful Ichabod Crane. I’ve always loved Sleepy Hollow and the tale of the Headless Horseman. With this version of SH, however, the Horseman is one of the Four Horseman of the Apocolypse and Ichabod is resurrected to stop him along with a female detective. This show mixes fiction with history so well; it’s hard to believe that Sleepy Hollow is a real place!

     Back to OUATIW (Once Upon a Time in Wonderland). It’s a love story set in both Victorian Era England and Wonderland: while in Wonderland Alice falls in love with a genie named Cyrus whom the Red Queen tosses over a cliff. Grief stricken, Alice returns home (finding her father has remarried and had another child while she was gone; time passes differently in Wonderland) and is then sent to an asylum. She keeps rambling on about Wonderland and everyone, including her father thinks she’s nuts.

     You find out that the Knave of Hearts (Will Scarlet) has escaped Neverland and enters Storybrooke, only to return to England, rescue Alice, and return her to Neverland to find and free Cyrus before its too late. The mid-season finale (I think is what it was) finds Cyrus free from his curse of being a Genie and shows us (not the cast) that Will is now a Genie.

     Speaking of shows I love, American Horror Story! AHS is in its third season and it’s great! I haven’t seen many of the episodes because I didn’t have cable for awhile, but from what I’ve read I can’t wait until it’s available to watch on Netflix so that I can watch all three seasons back to back and compare!

     This incantation is subtitled Coven and it’s full of witches and voodoo priests and priestess! The location is in New Orleans, the hub (apparently) of witches and all things voodoo. I can’t wait to see this more in depth.

     NEW YEARS RESOLUTION: Not a traditional one, but one nonetheless. I plan on trying to complete every novel I have in the works (taking a month off for National Novel Writing Month in November). I also resolve on NOT starting any new novels (with the exception of collections) until November. I also resolve to try and blog more and to use Twitter more. Gotta get those sales numbers up!

     See you all in 2014!

NaNoWriMo

Just a short entry.

Final Word Count as of 11-25-13

So as many of you know, this month I have participated in NaNoWriMo. For those of you don’t know what this means, it means National Novel Writing Month (November). It’s a 50,000 word novel in 30 days.

I won! I finished on the 18^th of November, but I had to wait until the 25^th to validate my novel. So I edited the hell out of it and ended up writing 700 more words bringing my total up to 51,098 words!
Last year I found out about this ‘contest’ too late. I found out on day 6 I believe and I was only working on it 5 days a week (when I worked). This year I wrote every single day and it was awesome!

I ordered my T-Shirt and I received my badges and my certificate.

Certificate

Suckish

Taken 3 years ago (9-14-10 my wedding day) Me, Grandma, and Carlos

So today is the third day of November and so far, it’s a bummer month. Today is the anniversary of my grandfather’s death, 10 years he’s been gone and things aren’t any better. Read below and I’ll explain.

A Timeline of Events

October 23, 2013—My grandmother passed away and I (essentially) become a mother to her adopted daughter (my niece) Brandy.

October 24, 2013—We start cleaning her room and figuring out where and how we’re going to be holding her viewing and burial.

Roberta's face

October 25, 2013—Things are still up in the air as the packing of her room continues.

October 26, 2013—My aunt figures that we have 30 days to vacate the home we’ve been living in for 4 years (10 years for me). She actually told us this right after grandma passed away, but she reiterates.

October 27, 2013—The viewing and funeral are this week and things are only getting harder to deal with.

October 28, 2013—More packing and stuff ensues as things are being put together for the viewing and funeral.

October 29, 2013—Today is the first day of her viewing and the first time anyone has seen her since she passed away 6 days prior.

October 30, 2013—Second day of viewing and the day before the funeral.

October 31, 2013—Said final goodbye to Grandma who received a military funeral because of my Grandfather. They’re together again.

November 1, 2013—National Novel Writing Month begins and I’m kicking butt. Final days of packing for myself, Carlos, and Brandy before we leave the house.

November 2, 2013—Brandy tries to come home, but we refuse. Trying to teach her not to be so wishy-washy when staying at someone’s house and how much it hurts someone to do that.

November 2, 2013—Roberta goes home from work early because she had a seizure. Only to find out that she was probably attacked at work after she goes to the hospital.

Right after

Things aren’t progressing very well. Finding a place is taking forever and we’ve already been looking for months. Getting things in place to get Brandy’s SSI and for us to adopt her is discouraging. We’ll more than likely need a lawyer and hopefully there won’t be any adoption fees, because we can’t afford that. I’m hoping she won’t be taken away since we’re living in a motel room.

I feel like curling up into a ball most days anymore and crying because everything is so up in the air and I don’t like it. I’m worrying about everything and not sleeping very well.

I know things will work out in the end, but right now with everything so new and raw, I can’t see it happening.

To Whom It May Concern

            Whenyou’re watching a TV or movie you come to believe certain things that may ormay not be true, but seem like that have some validity in reality. Mainly youthink that certain cliques stop talking to each other after school ends. Likethe ‘A’ group or ‘cool’ kids. Whatever they were dubbed in your school.

            Youalso believe that the other groups: Goths, geeks, whatever, kept talking. Thatthey weren’t like the others and kept in touch with their friends; theybelieved in the ‘friends till the end’ crap that is spewed. That’s BS. At leastwith my graduating class. The cool kids kept in touch while the rest of us didn’t.I don’t mind that, but it’s a shame! Its like saying that those of us who weren’tcool didn’t care about the friendships that we made when it all boils down togrowing up and heading off to school. Or something as simple as a lost phone number.

            ThankGod for Facebook. Thanks to this site I have reconnected with several peoplefrom my high school and more specifically, my graduating class. The cool kidsbecame ‘friends’ with me quickly while the people I was friends with took theirtime in reconnecting, again, not a big deal. But when I’m trying to speak withcertain people and they ‘log off’ or go to their mobile device where it can bemore difficult to receive texts and the like from Facebook it kind of ticks meoff.

            Itsone thing when a conversation you’re having naturally slows down and stops, butwhen someone says HI and you just shut off Facebook or your chat, that’s kindof mean and something I don’t understand. There are people on Facebook that I haven’tspoken to in YEARS and have been looking for, for as long as that: people thatwere friends from second grade and moved away or from third or fourth grade andmoved away; people that made an impression and impacted me in someway, so I’vebeen looking for them. These same people, who remember me, either simply ignoreme or choose to close their chats or don’t return message. Others simply justsay they don’t know who I am even though, for the most part, we’d been inschool together since KINDERGARTEN!

            Ithink, on that last one, that some people just don’t check their Facebooks asoften as others. Or they don’t recognize the last name. Whatever the issue is,if it was me, I would message the person to see if I knew them. Hell, there arepeople that I NEVER talked to in high school that speak with me now. That shouldtell you something. Whatever people. We’re grown ups and the rest of you shouldstart acting like it.

            Ifyou don’t have time, just tell someone. Is it that hard to do?

Sh!t

To say that I have a lot going on is an understatement. Things at work aren't going well at all and I just don't know what to do. Do I stay or do I go? Do I lose everything that I've worked for outside of work because of what's going on at work? Hard questions.
I decided to dye my hair black again. Some may think that its a rebellious thing or a way to act out without actually acting out. Its not. I loved my hair when it was this color. It gave me a sense of piece and a sense of power. So when my husband got paid, I got the dye and I love it! Things at work may be suckish, but my hair isn't! I also love it because it brings out the golden (Cullen) color in my eyes.
Back to the work stuff. I seem to just be pissing off my bosses by being myself and doing what I'm supposed to do. Because everything that I do seems to be making them mad at me. Maybe I'm being overly sensitive, but when  your boss basically tells you that he doesn't trust you, you being to wonder. Am I being overly sensitive? I'd like to think I'm not. I spent the better part of the other day crying because I've given 3 years of my life to this job. Three years of my married life to this job, no less. I didn't get a proper honeymoon because I had to work that entire first week.
I don't like to make waves, contrary to popular belief. I like to keep to myself and keep the trouble to a minimum. I love my job and I don't to lose it.
I honestly don't know what to do.

Pissed

Pissed

Today (July 2, 2013) started off like the previous day, HOT!! I had some running around to do, so I got it done early and when I got back from doing said running around there had been a little surprise for me. That I won’t share as its not the reason for this blog/rant.

I was watching my niece, Brandy, until after Grandma got back from dialysis at about 11:30. When she did my sister-in-law, JoJo, myself, and my nephew, Nicky, ran to 7 Eleven for Slurpees and snacks. After we got home I went straight to bed. I slept until about 5:30 pm when my husband wakes me up.

That’s when he told me the reason for this blog/rant.

Someone has called CPS (Child Protective Services) on my 71 year old Grandmother and my brother! They are using Grandma’s health (which was known to CPS and the state of Washington at the time of Grandma’s adoption of Brandy) against her. There is also an abuse case against my brother.

Of course, my brother and sister-in-law are worried about what will happen to their kids. Which will be nothing. The most CPS will do is force them to live separately. They won’t take the kids.

Grandma isn’t doing well and doesn’t have much time left at all anyway. This case is ridiculous! Whomever did this is going to look like a jackass when it’s all said and done. I hope they realize that they aren’t just hurting Grandma and Butch (my brother), but the entire family.

Did they stop to realize what will happen to Grandma if she loses Brandy? It would kill her! Not only would they be breaking up a family, but they would be killing my Grandmother! Who are they? We don’t know. CPS wanted Grandma to come in tonight, but she said she couldn’t so they will be in sometime this week or next.

I wish I knew what was going to happen. For all I know they could take all the kids, kick everyone else out, and put Grandma in a home!

Updated Publication List

Updated Publication Dates

The Hotel Slayings

Amazon 11-22-11

Kindle 6-4-12

The Masked Killer

Amazon 6-4-12

Kindle 6-4-12

Ballerina

Amazon 6-4-12

Kindle 6-4-12

Recreational Murder

Amazon 6-12-12

Kindle 6-11-12

Fake

Amazon 6-15-12

Kindle 6-14-12

Trea Bella-Donna

Amazon 6-18-12

Kindle 6-17-12

Dew

Amazon 6-5-12

Kindle 6-4-12

Bored and Bleeding

Amazon 6-4-12

Kindle 6-4-12

The Scorned American

Amazon 6-5-12

Kindle 6-4-12

2030

Amazon 12-17-12

Kindle 12-17-12

Egotistical Mama

Amazon 12-25-12

Kindle 12-28-12

A Perfectly Secret Affair

Amazon 12-25-12

Kindle 12-28-12

From Me To You (NEW)

Amazon 6-8-13

Kindle 6-8-13

The Haunted Third Shift (NEW)

Amazon 6-8-13

Kindle 6-7-13

Lonely Nights and Crimson Lips (NEW)

Amazon 6-8-13

Kindle 6-7-13

Powerful Desire (NEW)

Amazon 6-8-13

Kindle 6-7-13

Espionage Garden

Amazon 6-5-12

Kindle 6-4-12

Death in America

Death in American

          These three names, Mathew Shepherd, Teena Brandon, and Gwen Araujo, have become nearly synonymous with gay/transgender hate crimes. I have a very strong opinion on gay rights. On hate crimes in general.

Matthew Shepherd

 

From Wikipedia

         Matthew was, as we all know, an openly gay college student in Laramie, Wyoming. He was born December 1, 1976 and died on October 12, 1998 He had been attending the University of Wyoming there as a political science major. He went into a bar and a couple of local boys (Aaron McKinney and Russell Henderson) went up to him. They started chatting and it was decided that they would give him a ride home. Instead they took him to a very remote area where they tied him to a fence; beat him and left him to die.

          I wasn’t there when this happened; obviously, I never knew Matthew Shepherd and I will never get a chance to meet him. Would I like him if I met him? I don’t know, but I know that if I didn’t like him, it wouldn’t be because he was gay.

          You may ask yourself why he became so special to the media. You may ask why the world cared about what happened to him. It’s because this was a hate crime. Mr. Shepherd was targeted because he was who he was: a gay college student in Wyoming. I know that there are people that probably don’t think that this was a hate crime, but it was. Why else would two boys (I just can’t call them men) would do something like this? Robbery? That’s what they claimed. Did he come on to them? That’s what they claimed.

          There are only three people who know what truly happened. Aaron McKinney and Russell Henderson and Matthew Shepherd and he can’t speak for himself and I doubt that Aaron McKinney or Russell Henderson will ever tell the truth. If they do it will be on their deathbeds.

          Maybe I’m stupid or something; because I just don’t understand how one person, let alone two people could do that do someone else. I don’t understand. I don’t get how that happens. It makes no sense to me, not at all.

          I don’t always get along with my friends or family, or even strangers, but I don’t want to beat them, humiliate them, torture them, and leave them for dead. I may want to smack them once in awhile, but that’s it.

          I ask you, readers, do any of you think of these things? Do any of you think of Matthew Shepherd? Do you think of what he might be like if he was alive today? If Aaron and Russell had never gotten taken him from that bar?

          Would he engaged? A parent? Would Matthew be excited to be planning his wedding to the man of his dreams and have it recognized? What would he think of a black President? Do you think he would have voted for Obama? Would he have been horrified about 9/11?

          These are just a few of the things I wonder about. It’s what got me thinking of writing this story here. It’s a blog, but it will go into my magazine as well. I think it should be out there. Someone needs to keep the light shed on this.

Gwen Araujo

from Newark Patch

          Gwen was born Edward Arajuo and was called Eddie from the time he was a baby. She was born February 24, 1985 and died October 3, 2002. Gwen, as her friends and family called her, was pre-operative male to female transgender. She 

was just seventeen years old when Michael Magidson, Jaron Nabors, José Merél, and Paul Merél decided that she had lied about who she was and took it upon themselves to beat and strangle her to death. From most accounts she had entered into a sexual relationship with one of the boys and he didn’t take too kindly to having sex with a man.

           What I don’t get is why one of the men didn’t report it and get a better deal? Why let it get as far as it did? Did they mean for her to die? What would cause someone to do this?

          I believe that the men that did that to Gwen should have been sentenced to death. That the hate crime status should have been put to this murder, because that’s what it was. Plain and simple: a hate crime. From what I read, the girlfriend to one of the men, forced Gwen into the bathroom then announced it to the men. They then began to severely beat the seventeen year old to death.

          I guess her lying there bleeding wasn’t enough or that they just wanted to make sure the job was done, because they drug her out to the garage and strangled her. Then to just dispose of her in a shallow grave, why? What did that prove? It didn’t make them big, bad he-men; beating someone when there was only one of them and three of the others.

          I think it was a great injustice. Gwen deserved closure and justice, her family deserved closure.

          I can’t imagine that her family was overly thrilled when the first realized that Eddie wanted to be a girl. I hope, and from what I’ve read they have, that they came around before it was too late to tell her how they felt about her. I bet it was especially hard on her mother and siblings.

          Again, why would someone do something like this? I just don’t get it. So she lied about being a boy, to her, she wasn’t lying. Gwen was planning on fixing what was wrong, if only they had waited. If only she had done it sooner.

          Our country is supposed to be free, but its not. There are people in this country who cannot be who they are for fear that something like this will happen to them.

          Her life was turned into a Lifetime original movie titled Gwen Arajuo: A Girl Like Me.

Brandon Teena

          Brandon Teena was born Teena Renae Brandon in December 12, 1972 and died December 31, 1993 from a gunshot wound.

from google

          Not long before Brandon was murdered, he was raped. Two of the men that he hung out with were convicted felons and they didn’t like that he had lied to them. They had found out he was born a woman and took advantage. From all I could read, Brandon’s girlfriend, Lana, told him to report the crime. The police then lost the rape kit. I’m betting because they didn’t understand or didn’t want to understand that even though Brandon didn’t identify with being a woman he could still be raped. All’s it takes is the word NO!

          Unlike Gwen Arajuo, whose mother had her name legally changes posthumously, Brandon wasn’t so lucky. His mother did not want her daughter to be a man. Even in death, his mother wouldn’t let him have that. Brandon’s headstone reads Teena R. Brandon B. December 12, 1972 D. December 31, 1993. Sister, daughter, friend.

          What kind of mother does that? Did Gwen’s mother love her more than Brandon’s mother loved him? Did she just not care?

          As for the freaks that killed him, one got life in prison while the other got the death sentence. Both were involved in the rape and subsequent murder. Yet because one of them rolled on the other, he got a reduced sentence. I’m sorry, but if you’ve got balls enough to murder someone then you have enough balls to take it like a man and die like one.

          I shake my head whenever I read what happened to this poor young man. He was born a woman and trapped. While Brandon had yet to start taking the hormones to begin his transformation, he was a man. From what I read, anyone who knew him knew that.

          I read that the killer saw Brandon twitching after he’d been shot and took a knife to him just to make sure he was dead.

          Hate crime before hate crime was even a thought.

          His life was the inspiration for the movie Boys Don't Cry.

Bibliography

http://usatoday30.usatoday.com/news/nation/2002-10-20-hatecrime_x.htm

http://www.sfgate.com/bayarea/article/One-year-since-transgender-teen-s-death-Gwen-2584451.php

http://newark.patch.com/groups/local-connections/p/remembering-slain-transgender-teen-gwen-araujo

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Murder_of_Gwen_Araujo

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Matthew_Shepard

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brandon_Teena

http://www.glaad.org/2011/05/05/telling-brandon-teenas-story-accurately

http://www.rememberbrandonteena.webs.com/

Stuff

Home—

Things are going okay, I suppose. Nothing is wrong between my husband and myself; things are great, actually. We’re able to be together more even though I’m still working like crazy. He’s been very supportive with work.

Grandma isn’t doing so well. She’s spent most of this month (May) in the hospital. From what her doctors say, it isn’t going to get better, only worse. The worst. Death. They give her two weeks to two months. So far she’s doing okay, but we’re all on edge.

Not only that, but the Children’s Home Society is trying to take my niece away from my grandmother. She isn’t going to let that happen and neither am I or my husband. Grandma is ready to move away to prevent it from happening.

My brother is getting married, finally, to his baby mama of four years. They’ve been together as long as my husband and I have been, just a month later. They finally decided after two kids it was time. I’m happy for them.

Work—

Things aren’t going well. I’m mostly happy, but not. I can’t say more than that.

Magazine—

It’s going great! We just landed our first BIG interview. Former American Idol contestant Britnee Kellogg! She talks about her family, her budding career, and more.

We’ve sold a total of 3 copies, I believe, so I count that as good.

Writing—

Fine. Its there, it isn’t going anywhere. I get only inspiration for short stories at the moment, but none of the novels. So I have a lot of stories for the short story collection The Haunted Third Shift, and nothing for any of the novels which, in a later blog, I will update.

At the moment I’m doubting that I’ll get all those novels done by the end of the year. There’s also an un-named novel planned for November for National Novel Writing Month, but that shouldn’t take long to complete. It can’t. I want to be able to do it this year.

Reviews—

The season finale reviews are coming soon. I want to be able to watch them again, maybe take notes on what goes on. I’ll have reviews for Scandal, Once Upon A Time, Grey’s Anatomy, NCIS, and more.

I haven’t forgotten about them and I’m hoping to be able to keep up doing them all season long next year. Even if I have to take notes and write them up as I watch them and type them up when I get to work. I’ll figure it out somehow.

I think that’s everything. I’ll try to keep up with the blogs. It’s getting difficult. I may have to lose the other blogs and just keep the main one. We’ll see.

I’m Not Gay… I’m a Proud Supporter of Gay Marriage

I’m Not Gay…

I’m a Proud Supporter of Gay Marriage

By Marie Garcia

Rainbow Flag

For a long time now all I’ve been hearing about is gay marriage. I’m not sick of hearing it, but I’m worried that it will never happen in all 50 states. There are currently 9 states (Connecticut, Iowa, Maine, Maryland, Massachusetts, New York, Washington, Vermont, and Washington DC) that allow same sex marriages. While others only offer domestic partnerships, civil unions, and more. The majority of the country is just plain anti-gay marriage.

          I find this very disappointing.

          In the Constitution of the United States it clearly says that all men are created equal and yet no one believes in. Those of us in power to change that won’t because of those who choose to ignore that probably more than half the country’s population are gay.

          I want to live in an America where my gay friends and family can get married; where they have the same benefits as every straight man and woman in this county. One of my favorite quotes, for lack of a better term, is this: If the gay and lesbian communities wish to be as unhappy as the rest of us, let them get married! Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m a happily married woman and there are some who have said that quote or something similar to me over the last couple of years.

          I have a great-uncle who passed away in 1990 before there was all of this buzz about gay marriage. When I heard that Massachusetts was going to allow same sex couples to marry, I admit it freely, I cried my eyes out and I can recall saying I wish Uncle Steve could have lived to see this! I think he would have happy to marry his boyfriend.

Gay Marriage Equality Symbol

          I guess I can thank my uncle for making me so open minded about the gay community, though I would like to think that I would be open minded even without his influences. One of the best memories I have is walking along the beach with my great-uncle (my grandmother’s brother) and my aunt (my mother’s sister). They had me between them and I was carrying a black garbage bag. This man walked between us and Uncle Steve whipped his bald head around and said, “Damn that man has a nice ass!” My aunt looked at him and said, “Uncle Steve!” To which, he said, “What?” Completely confused. My aunt said, “Sarah is right there!” He shrugged and we kept walking.

          To this day, I can recall that moment and I just figured it was another part of life. Who cared if he didn’t like women? It was his choice and as long as he was happy, who was I to judge?

          After he had passed away, everyone was at the beach, and Grandma had gathered all of us kids in the living room (we had a beach house) and asked us to sit. We did and she told us that he was gay. I looked at her and said, “So?”

          I love my Grandmother and I know she loved her brother, but she is still one of the most anti-gay people I have ever met. I had her tell me once that if any of her children were gay that she would disown them. I just looked at her and shook my head. I can understand, slightly, where she is coming from. She’s from a very different time and she is very religious. What she needs to realize is that this isn’t 1950 or 1960 anymore and that gay people are just that, people.

          There is nothing wrong with them and I shame anyone who thinks so. Whether there is a ‘gay gene’ or if it’s a choice, doesn’t matter; as long as the person is happy that’s what matters the most.

          I know this is all over the place and I can’t help that. It’s how I think and I write how I thing. So, I apologize for that.

          Back to my point, I think I had one; anyway I’m for gay marriage because it’s only fair. I think that everyone should be able to marry whomever they want, with the exception of those people who want to marry their pet goat or cow. That’s just weird.

Novel Updates and More

          So I finally decided to sit down once again and do a blog. I can’t believe that I haven’t been able to keep this up. I mean, true, I don’t have a lot to talk about, but there is always something that can be mentioned. I have so much going on right now.

The magazine

1. My writing
2. Editing
3. Hanging out with friends
4. Spending time with my husband
5. Work
6. Other family

          That’s a lot of stuff and I rarely have time to keep it all up. It’s the reason why the blogs suffer.

          So I need to update you on the books that I have in the works, what’s done, and what’s on the horizon.

Old Books to be Completed:

1. Life and Death
2. Suicide Killer
3. Dreamland Theater
4. Sai
5. Endless Soul

Old Books Completed:

1. Twelve Months
2. Weird

New Books to be Completed:

1. Better Days
2. Come Travel with Me
3. The Haunted Third Shift (Short Story Collection)
4. The Evil Ones
5. Powerful Desire (Poetry Collection)

New Short Stories:

The Crash

New Poetry:

Sunny Side Up

Sequels to Short Stories:

1. Perfect
2. Crimson Lips
3. Fighting
4. The Voyeur Saves the Day
5. Silent Pain
6. Loathing
7. Scorned

          Those are just the ones I remember, though it helped that I wrote them down. The older books I want to complete are Life and Death, Suicide Killer (the next book in the Delta Files series), Dreamland Theater, Sai, and Endless Soul. The latter will take time. I need to a ton of research on it.

          I suppose that’s all, for now. Time to work on the reviews, maybe.

Seriously Lax

        I know that I’ve been seriously lax in keeping up with all of my blogs. There have been a lot of things going on at home and with the magazine.

At Home:

·        Grandma has been in and out of the hospital most of the year. She has been diagnosed with colon cancer and her prognosis with that is good; however, her heart, lungs, and kidneys are not faring as well. Her kidneys are in full failure and she has been put on a very strict renal diet: no salt, no tomatoes, and so on and so on. If she does what she is supposed to i.e. avoiding salt and going to dialysis four times a week she can live for another seven years. On the flip side, if she doesn’t, then the prognosis is days.

·        Both Adult Protective Services (APS) and Child Protective Services (CPS) are now involved. APS will be coming in regularly to make sure the house is suitable for Grandma and that things are calm and that fighting is kept to a minimum. CPS will be helping certain individuals getting a place of their own and moving out. Hopefully that cuts down on the fighting.

GZine:

·        During the holidays I got behind with both the magazine and the blogs. I finally got the third and fourth issues published.

·        The fourth issue of the magazine is out. The issue contains an interview with my friend and our travel guru, Crystal Steinmueller and how she dealt with the death and subsequent years since the passing of her twins’ death. It also includes an article about the seventeenth anniversary of the death of the secretary of our middle school and my thoughts on everything.

·        Working on the next issue.

        Hopefully I will be able to keep going with this blog. I’m not making any promises, but I really intend to.

Seventeen Years Later

Seventeen Years…

          Joyce M. Hansen was taken far too soon. Seventeen years have passed since her husband shot and pistol whipped her to death in their home in Brush Prairie, Washington. Seventeen years since her son lost both his parents. I’ve heard so many things about why her husband murdered her. From what I have heard, he’d always been abusive and she’d finally had enough. She’d finally gotten the courage to leave him.

Joyce before I knew her.

          I can remember those last days of the school year and how excited Joyce was. She always looked forward to the Field Day (we all did). It was the one day that the school was divided and forced to play against one another. Blue vs. Red. If you had Joyce on your team especially in volleyball, you were bound to win. She was so competitive and excited. It was always fun to watch her play any sport as she was so athletic.

          Whenever I would go to the office after lunch, I served lunch more often than not, and I would watch her interact with the students. Joyce was always so loved by the student. She was like a second mom. In some cases, she was a third or forth mom.

          It’s been seventeen years and I can still remember that night. It was the night of March 17, 1996 around 9 p.m. My grandmother called me and my sister into the living room. It was past bedtime and Mrs. Morton, my sister’s seventh grade homeroom teacher, had been the one to call.

          Grandma sat us down and just told us. At first we were confused because Joyce Hansen wasn’t the only Joyce we knew. We had a neighbor with the same name. Once it had been clarified, it was so much worse.

Her parking spot memorial.

          I think the following day was the worst. So many of the students didn’t know yet and they didn’t want to believe it when they found out. Who could blame them?  To be a student and trying to learn anything was pointless. I’m sure to be a teacher and trying to teach was pointless as well. There was so much crying, not only from the student, but the teachers and other staff members as well. Boys and girls alike were crying. Even the ‘tough’ guys were fighting a losing battle. Many of the students called home and had their parents come to get them. Many of those who stayed sought counseling. Others just tried to get through the day.

          Over the following days and weeks flowers, stuffed animals, cards, poetry, and more flowed from her desk and down into the library. Even into her parking space.

Some of what my fellow Pleasant Valley Alumni
had to say about  Joyce soon after her death.

          Her memorial service was packed to standing room only. 1500+ people, if I remember correctly, attended the service held at nearby Prairie High School. It was heart wrenching as students, faculty, and parents gathered around her son and remaining family members.

          For me, and maybe many of us leaving the school that year, it was difficult. For my entire four years, as I got to know her, I couldn’t wait for Joyce to hand me my ‘diploma’ for completing middle school. Don’t get me wrong, Pat was great, but it was an almost bittersweet moment.

          Over the last seventeen years I have thought of Joyce fondly and often.

          I wandered what became of her son. Does he have the career he always wanted? Is he married with kids? A single dad? Would Joyce be proud of him?

          There isn’t a day that goes by when I curse our judicial system. I get her husband—murderer—was 52 years old and a former cop, but to give him 20 years was completely atrocious.

          How is that justice?

Joyfully buoyant and fun

Overly protective of family and friends

Yearning for freedom

Chances that were never taken

Joyce as I knew her.

Essential to young minds blossoming

Managing the office was a plus

Happy, always happy

Average in beauty she was not

Nagging wasn’t something she did

Sensing what young people wanted

Evolved so much more than the rest of us

Never forgotten

          How in the world could this have happened to someone like Joyce? This is something that I have been asking myself for seventeen years. How could Joyce be dead and at the hand of her own husband? Why would he do that? How could he do that?

          I’m sure that there wasn’t just one thing that caused him to do this, but it seems that because she was leaving him was the main one. Holly Meyers (Sonners) just sent me some of the articles about her death and they are ones that I hadn’t read before.

The inside of her memorial program.

          Did he love her so little that he had to do this? Did he love so much that was why? Was it a case of if he can’t have her no one can? Did he hate her so much? Did he love Mike, their son, so little hat he wanted him to be without both of his parents?

          There are so many unanswered questions that I doubt there will ever be an answer to. The only person who can answer it is Ron Hansen and I doubt he ever will.